Lets Keep it Real.
lately, childhood fantasies have been clouding my mind. those happily ever afters and perfect glass slippers. but i feel that i should leave them behind. ever since i was young, ive wanted the storybook ending with my perfect prince charming. but i realize now, i dont need mr.prince charming. that guy in armor can ride off into the sunset with his noble stead. while he rides away with another fair maiden, ill be wavin’. ill be standing there with no prince charming but the good guy. now i know this story has just turned from fairytale to comic in about 2 seconds flat. but either way that is that. every now and then the fantasy may seduce me into a dream like state but in the end, i just hope to get the good guy. i dont need the jerks or jocks or nerds with high socks. the 12 o’ clock midnight no longer applies. reality kicks in and the time still ticks by. maybe i should stop trying to rhyme all the time… lets keep it real. the jerk behind the school putting a kid in a headlock can go home before i go and tell him to fuck off. ill be keeping my eye on that one sweet guy. the one who makes me laugh so hard i cry. not the one thats so thick in the head. but the one that calls before i go to bed. not the one that keeps making me cry puddles but the one that would rather cuddle. not the one who will watch and stand but the one that joins in and holds my hand. the good guy. the right guy.
Expressions
Ready to Jump?
we hug. we laugh. we smile. we cry. we shake the earth with the echoing of our voices. we crowd the skies with boldness of our imaginations. imagining facebook without a face. or myspace without a space. a space to promote ourselves to a world. a world where we stare, judge, scream and beam. my friends, your friends, no friends. trust is a thing of the past. no longer achieved. now handed out like freebies on the street. we wear masks. we say we dont hide but we do. a mask of envy, beauty, trust, hate. this life can make or break. like a board game played on a rainy afternoon. where you want to be green instead of blue. ill be pink orange yellow clear. anyone and everyone can seem clear. without the name or fame. invisible. passed by and walked through like youre not even there. left behind like some lost lonely puppy. will no one have pity? instead of handing out pamphlets and bracelets lets give out hugs and kisses. peace sign at hand. heart on your sleeve. lets walk side by side. ready for anything coming our way. the shift of the earth or a change in the tide. lets jump. are you ready? ready or not it doesnt matter. even if your not ready life is still gonna come. come at you like a speeding bullet that cant miss. it will hit you right in the heart. you wont bleed blood. youll bleed hopes dreams memories family friends and love. in this case you cant die from blood loss. you die of a forgetten spirit and a broken heart.
Hand to Hold
arms linked with hands intertwined. sun blind eyes with bug eyed shades. memories i hold dear now but will i remember them later on? weak ankles, cold feet and consumed butterflies. how i regret my mistakes. how fast time flies. not the mistakes that helped me learn but the mistakes that should have never been made. a shove in the lake or a jump off the swings. remember those days we laid away? now i know my regrets. i regret not making that jump. i regret never taking that risk. i regret not saying those words. i regret not speaking up. i regret not living life to the fullest. i regret never being strong enough. i regret accepting things too easily. i regret letting you get away. would life have been different if i took those chances? would i be happier if i had taken those risks? would i be proud to have finally said what had been bottled up inside for so long? that fact is this: knowing whether or not taking those risks was a good thing or a bad thing is long gone. what hurts the most is thinking it might have gone better. that i might have had a closer support. that i might have had a strong friend. that i might have had a hand to hold. that i might not have lost you.
Stop It
how can you keep talking even as i walk away? you truly think im still listening? its always the same lectures anyways. “you need to grow up…” or “be responsible…” the normal growing up speeches. but the truth is that i dont need that talk anymore. the events of the past and the demands of today have molded the child you once held. youve made me responsible and say im growing up. but are you honestly ready to let me go? your speeches say no. ill love you for eternity but i need help right now. not the talks about what ive already learned. i need talks that will help me make the right decisions in the future. i wll always need you there. you’re my foundation. but now, i need counselors. so please stop it with the lectures and the speechs thatve grown old. i need new advice to be told. i dont need a hand to hold. i need a shove or a bump in the right direction. after that, ill be ready to jump.
Smile
walking about, head held high. nose to the sky as i walk another block. but is it true? is there confidence in my walk and truth behind my eyes? or is that just a mask? clenched fists and a stiff back. the smile on my face draws your sight away. away from the flaws. what i dont want you to see. the broken me. the me thats been scarred, and has cried herself to sleep. but is it not part of my disguise? is there a crack in my mask? or are lies so easy to believe these days? like “i’ve gotta go….” no, you just dont wanna talk. “i wish you were here…” liar. your happy where you are. ” i love you…” no you dont. you love her. those are your lies. but ive got lies too. my mask helps me lie. it helps me hide what i’m really trying to say: “this isnt me.”
House of Cards
a deck of cards is 52. the aces are gone, to good to be used. and the twos, often clingy, have been thrown from the pack. they traveled in pairs when once in the stack. the threes have been banned for theyre too odd. and fours have gone missing. i dont know where theyve gone. fives are excluded for they form a clique. something the royals wish doesnt stick. the sixes have left for they feel out of place. but the sevens are no more for they dont fit to my taste. the eights are to busy to join in the fun. for theyve got more to care for than a two or a one. the nines seem to be boastful. high and mighty they are. and so rare to be seen. even from a far. the tens, so complete, theyve got a house of their own. no longer under the rule of mighty throne. and here come the jacks, kicked out on their backs. for a sense of respect was something they lacked. the queens come now, with their shining septars at hand. so power hungry. so many theyve banned. finally the king, alone on the throne. with all classes gone, no followers left. no more in the deck to make that house of cards.
WindowSeat
just waiting there as if somethings gonna happen. saying “if i wait long enough, somethings bound happen”. but, it doesnt. you spend your time waiting there as if the world is just. hoping the right things are gonna happen at the right time. but, they dont. your so called “perfect moments” keep running through your head. like a an old film, in black and white. nothing turns out this right. there is never a perfect setting with the right amount of moonlight. there is no six foot gazebo with a violin quartet. then you say to yourself, “not yet”. such high hopes for one so young. less like the sun, with its hot bright rays, but more like the moon at night, blue and cool. so bright and vibrant in this young state. but so overcome with emotions your blinded from the truth. the truth that…hes not coming. you’re waiting there for nothing. get out while you can. with you heart still in tact. run from this place. this place called reality. but then you come to realize: no one ever gets out alive.
Concoction of Contradictions
what should i say? that i enjoy this imperfect life? where silence screams and emptyness fills. where words are thrown like arrows on bows. but there are a few things i love, i must say, how the grass sways in sun rays during may. but is that all i have, in this one life? in this concoction of contraditions. where i give advice that i can never use. and help people solve questions that i have never been able to answer. what about my words? do they speak louder than my voice? where the things i write on paper are bigger, brighter, bolder than the words i scream across a room. how loud can i get? must i scream not only my heart and lungs out but my entire soul until i am to be heard? no. if i am not to be heard i will remain silent. not speaking until spoken to. where my words will only heard when asked for. where i make no sounds in that sea of voices. silence.
BitterSweet
yours eyes swing up while my eyes wander down. down to my feet fast on the ground. i twiddle my fingers and i mess my hair. acting as if you’re not even there. what a lie that is. like you’re not there. how can such words be spoken through this verbal poem. your mouth stays silent but your eyes, they speak. not any normal talk but talk of yearning. yearning and learning. learning my name and that my favorite color is blue. not that it should matter to you. it does not matter whether the sky be blue or the grass green. or of ladybugs, red, unseen. i have endured these bittersweet moments long enough. i bid you goodbye and i wish you goodluck.
Accidental Happiness
Oh, sorry. sorry for believing your kind words and your sweet smile. sorry for accepting you safe arms and your warm hands. i cant believe i fell into this accidental happiness. from your brown eyes with twinges of green. to your small notes and mood so serene. i should have seen. seen how naive ive been. my sky high hopes and my gleaming smile. all for a false emotion. for now you walk past without even a glance. now there is no need for a second chance. there was never a first in my false happy days. those days were a lie. i try to forget. forget when i had a friend. when i held your hand. when we’d make amends. im sorry i lost you. im sorry you left. im sorry i believed you. im sorry i thought you were mine. my mistake.
